Death has made an appearance more often this year than any
other in my life. I’ve been to more funerals this year than the last 15 years
of ministry combined. Each person was taken too soon. I was not done with them
yet :). Yesterday, I learned of another friend who will be moved to a hospice soon – another wife with cancer…
Part of me just wants to lie on the bed, curl into a fetal
position, hug a blankey, and rock back and forth.
Part of me feels like everything is spinning out of control.
We are on a train careening off the walls of a black tunnel – bouncing, jarring,
never smooth, all of us holding our breath, waiting for the next collision.
Part of me wonders if gravity has increased. Is life getting
heavier? Is this what growing older feels like? Is this the ending of the world?
Part of me is awakened to the after-death reality of our
faith. So many books, so many talks on this life, and yet without the hope of the
next I feel only despair.
Part of me wants to seize this moment, to squeeze love into and out
of my family like never before – in gratitude that we have today – in fear that
we won’t have tomorrow.
Part of my heart lurches and tears come to my eyes whenever
the word “resurrection” is spoken or sung. My faith leans desperate and hard on the hope that the Bible is true.
Part of me realizes that “hanging on” to faith, hope, love
and life is our greatest challenge and greatest accomplishment.