I want to live my life in
the light of eternity. I’d like the
shine of eternity to be bright enough in my mind that it filters how I see each
day. I want to work on things that will
last. I want to build things that time won’t
erode. I want to invest in things that
don’t go away when I do.
Sounds lofty eh?
Thankfully I’ve been given
a lot of help. I’ve got these Post-it
notes on my heart that remind me that I’m alive in the “time between,” between
the garden of Eden and the garden of Heaven – those captivating places of connection,
unity and completeness – those places where nature and human nature work in
rhythm as God intended. In this “time
between”, the connection I was made for (with God, others and creation) has been
short-circuited and I find myself longing and restless. In those rare times of solitude and moments when I am
“un-busy,” I find myself more and more aware of a void in my soul and more and
more clingy to a hope that one day I will arrive at a place of wholeness.
Until then, I am learning
to allow the loneliness and emptiness to remind me that I am not home…
I am learning to see each
ache as a cue. Every wrinkle is a
pointer. Each sore knee is a
prompting. When I look in the mirror and
see that my body mass is steadily moving from the poles to the equator I take
comfort in knowing that I am more than physical! When
I’m brushed up next to cancer, Alzheimer’s, funerals, good-byes, band-aids and
aging it sinks in once more that my time on this earth is a journey – I have a
I’m learning to exercise
my hope, aware that my relationship fumbles and wipeouts are painful clues that
something isn’t the way it was intended. My struggles with meaning, loneliness and depression are souvenirs of my
gardens journey. Because I
often miss the message revealed in an agitated creation and a
messed up kingdom of this world, the Creator gets up close and whispers right
into my body and spirit and mind that there is more to this Life than this life.
I am learning to hear
echoes, sniff aromas and see glimpses. As I get older I get emotional quicker at what seem to me to be unusual
times. I’m turning into my crying Dad,
who is turning into his weeping Dad. Tears
come to my eyes at the strangest times and I wonder why.
I cry as I watch my
daughter laugh with freedom and joy and part of my heart aches. Yes, I am overcome with love with her; Yes, I’m a proud Daddy; Yes, the scene makes me marvel and
wonder. But deeper still I realize that
I am overcome because in that moment my ears have been opened and I am hearing an
echo of a symphony that I was created to hear. More than that, it is a symphony that I was created to dance to and sing with and help
create – and at the same time it always seems just out of my grasp, unfinished and
hanging. I savor the ringing in my ears
but it fades quickly.
Aches, aging, smells,
echoes and visions – shining eternity into this day, helping me live.